There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
