Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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