i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
