just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
