You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
