I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
