Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
