Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
