He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
