she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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