Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
