I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
