Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
organizing the empties. That sober.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
