Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
