I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
