Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
