Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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