marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
