One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
