yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
