I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
