Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
