Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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