Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
