I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
