I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
