i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he fucked my hip out of place.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
