Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
