I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They are going to name an STD after you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
