Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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