started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
