have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
