I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
