Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
