take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
