so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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