I just pynch a tree in the face
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
