Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Your topless pictures make me question reality
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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