I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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