Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
