if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
