Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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