Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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