so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
