why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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