So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
