but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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