His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
