i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
