last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
