a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Be still, my beating vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
